Ring Tones
by emw314
Summary: Someone's been playing with Xander's phone...


Disclaimer: Don't own or claim rights to Buffy or any of the songs referenced.

* * *

**Dawn**

* * *

Xander started when his phone started to ring. Or, rather, sing. A woman's voice, sneering to a driving guitar track. He listened to the words, and dropped his head on the desk as he answered. "Dawn, you are a sick, sick person."

"Why, Xander?" she giggled. "Do you have a problem with the ringtone on your phone."

"I have two problems. First, you tampered with my phone. Second, you used a song called 'Sweet Sacrifice.'"

"And...?" she prompted.

"Don't you think that's a little morbid?" he asked

"Shall we list how many times I've been offered up?"

"See, that's the thing. I've been offered up a lot, too, but you don't see me celebrating it."

"Well, maybe you should," she argued.

Xander considered the surface of the desk again, then sighed. "You had a reason for calling?"

"Oh, yeah. Business..."

* * *

**Oz**

* * *

Xander's eyes went wide when he heard a cheery, girly voice start singing, 'We're off to see the Wizard / The Wonderful Wizard of Oz...' He pulled out his phone and stared at it as the girl continued her excerpt before looping back to the beginning again. He answered the call. "Oz?" he asked, puzzled. "When the hell did you get a hold of my phone?"

"Hey, Xan," the laconic were greeted. "Haven't."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Let me guess: Willow?"

"Guess," Oz offered.

"I have to ask," Xander shook his head. "Do you, like, think about your conversation before hand? Or is it just an ongoing challenge to just use as few words as possible. 'Cause some of us, naming no names, would be hard pressed to use even, I don't know, two, three, four times as many words."

Oz thought about it for a moment. "No."

Xander laughed, a deep, free sound. "Fine. I assume you have were saving your words for something?"

He wasn't sure, but he rather thought Oz let the sound of his smile come through. "Yes."

* * *

**Giles**

* * *

Xander looked up when he heard his phone go off. He listened intently to the lyrics, then looked at the name on the screen. He answered the phone. "I think I'm going to have to have some words with certain people of the female persuasion," he greeted.

"I, I'm sorry?" Giles replied.

"Do you even like Sting?" the younger man asked.

"He, he's okay, I guess," Giles decided absently. "Why do you say that?"

"Because someone," Xander stressed, "names un-named, has been tampering with my phone, and personalised some ring-tones. Yours is now The Police's 'Every Breath You Take.' The chorus ends with 'I'll be watching you.'"

"I do recall the song," Giles began, amusement apparent in his voice, "and you must admit that is an appropriate song."

"Yeah, except for the fact that the singer's totally stalker-guy. Which you're not. Did you know that song is featured in a book called 'Touch Me, I'm Sick'?"

There was silence for a while, and he was sure he could hear Giles cleaning his glasses. "Is that an actual book?" he asked finally.

"Yep. Got it on my shelf." He walked over to pick it up. "Subtitled: 'The 52 creepiest love songs you've ever heard,' and we won't mention the cover art. It involves a teddy bear."

"Yes. Well. Is there any way of changing that?" Giles asked, becoming perturbed.

"Sure," Xander nodded. "Let me know what you want it changed to, and I'll do it. But you called for a reason?"

* * *

**Andrew**

* * *

Xander stared at his phone. Without looking at the screen, he was pretty sure he knew who it was. Who else would have the Imperial Theme from Star Wars as their ring-tone? But not any version, oh no. "Andrew," he greeted. "Since when are you listening to Green Day?"

Andrew squealed, and Xander pulled his phone away from his ear in self defence. "She did it! She said she was going to put it on your phone, but I was sure she couldn't because she was like in Seattle when I gave it to her, and you were over in England, but she said she was going to do it, and she totally did it, and it is so cool," he finished with another squeal.

Xander rested he head against a convenient wall. "Okay, yeah. Yours is actually cool. The Green Day live cover of the Imperial Theme. But do you know how … disturbing it is to have Dorothy suddenly singing from your hip pocket? In public? 'Cause that's what she did to me. She made Oz's ring-tone the 'off to see the Wizard' song. I do not need Dorothy screeching from my hip pocket, Andrew."

There was silence for a long moment, then Andrew snorted. Then he chortled. Then he burst out into wild gales of laughter. Then he dropped his phone, and it may have broken, because there was suddenly silence. Xander sighed, and disconnected. Doubtless the other man would call back. Whenever he finished giggling. Whenever that was.

* * *

**Willow**

* * *

Xander decided that enough was definitely enough. He was not going to risk another 'Dorothy in my pocket' incident, so he had hidden himself away with his phone, and he was going through the ring-tones. "Let's see. Angel. Why do I even have his number?" he scowled. "Huh," he grunted, then chuckled. "I actually like that one. 'Bela Lugosi's Dead.'" He snickered as he listened to the echo-y voice almost reciting the lyrics. "Going to have to play that one for Deadboy if I ever see him. Doubt he's heard of Bauhaus. And next... Buffy. 'Echo Beach?'" He listened to the snippet. "Well, bright, peppy, and escapist. And if anyone needs to get away at times, I'm sure it's Buffy. So what's Will's tone?"

Just as he began to scan through his contacts list, the phone vibrated, and a man's voice piped up. "I got the magic in me / Every time I touch that track -"

"Will?" he answered when he finally got his heart rate under control. "You know hip hop?"

"Uh... Yes?" Willow answered brightly.

"Uh huh. What? Did you do a google search for appropriate lyrics? And, might I add, for lyrics that aren't really appropriate for a guy to have floating out of his hip pocket when he's in public? And heterosexual?"

He could feel her sudden embarrassment at what she'd done. "Um... Oops?" she offered finally.

"'Oops'," he mocked. "I've changed that one, and I forgive you because of what you did for Angel's ring-tone. But that's it, Will. No more remote playing with my phone. Or near playing with my phone. Or playing with my phone for anything. Got it?"

"Got it," she nodded. "Cookies?" she offered.

Xander squinted as he considered. "Brownies?"

"Brownies," she agreed.

"Cool."


End file.
